In the Beginning

In the beginning there was paradox: there was nothing and there was everything. In the end there was paradox: there was nothing and there was everything. In other words, the beginning is identical to the end, and in this identity there is nothing and everything.

This is how things got started, and this is why there is something instead of nothing. Our particular universe is a manifestation of some unfathomable number of possible universes. Each possible universe also exists, although we may be forever forbidden access to anything other than our own universe.

Time is a function of any specific universe; this is to say, without a universe there can be no time as time is what is formed when there are relations amongst parts. Space is also a function of relations amongst parts. Ergo, no relations means no spacetime.

Thus, we cannot get back to the singularity of the big bang because this is the initial point before time and space came into existence. Spacetime was created when the singularity became fragmented: its fragments formed the relations that both require and create spacetime.

Every universe begins the same; i.e., every universe starts from the same singularity. This is because the singularity transcends any specific spacetime matrix; thus, while any given universe blossoms forth from the singularity creating its own specific manifestations and its own unique spacetime structure, the singularity remains intact as the central force driving all possible manifestations. It is, in a sense, the Unmoved Mover of Aristotle.

The singularity is the ultimate paradox: it exists, and yet does not exist as existence is a function of some spacetime; it is nothing as something can only exist inside a spacetime matrix, yet it is everything as any instance of things is manifest only because of its fragmentation.

In the beginning there was I am & I am not.

Begend

I need a space to begin again. To simply think and write about thoughts without attempting to woo an audience, and I hope without too much self-censor as this is certainly a beastie I need to overcome. But I don't really want to say "overcome" because it implies a battle, well, at least in a way. So it's kinda' like that, but more a sort of "see through" or "move beyond" or something like that too.

Whatever it is, I feel like I really want to start writing again, which really means to start thinking again. Not that I've ever stopped thinking, but I mean thinking deeply, with creativity and passion. And I don't want to feel like I'm trying to spread something, like I need this to be shared with others. I guess I mean I simply want some space of my own, without the burden of trying to get others to understand.

And I guess there's a confession in there too, because the last time I really got into trying to reach out to others through writing and thought, well, I feel like I made lots of promises and commitments that I didn't keep. Some to myself and some to others. So there's a certain sense of guilt that goes along with expressing creative thoughts and ideas. And I'm beginning to feel that it's time to forgive myself for not being able to follow through with past projects and commitments that were connected to creative expression.

I really need to move on.

So yeah, "Begend." The beginning and the end rolled into one. The end of something brings the beginning of something else, which will in turn end to bring about something else. This is the way of things, and I want to get back to thinking about, expressing, but most of all living, "the way of things." I'm not entirely sure what that means right now--mostly with regard to the living part, but feeling a yearning to try and figure it out, yet again.

I guess this means this journal is to record some sort of journey--well mostly anyway. To rediscover and renew what currently lies mostly dormant. If I was being all artsy or whatever in my writing I'd express it like this:

Re: New
Re: Discover

And there's so much stirring in my head that I'm working on. Much of it is past works and ideas bubbling with fresh insight. I guess it makes sense that I really had to kind of die to get here. I had to end to start again. And if there isn't a whole lot of life experience that goes along with that--yuck! But see, that's part of it. The old turning shit into gold routine of alchemy. And this is what I want to get back to, to renew, to begend again, the alchemy of existence--specifically my existence as that's the only experiencing I can know--which is universal to any experiencing thing, so I'm not simply being self-centered or conceited here:

It all begends with an I.